Come spend a little time at the Crouton Petting Zoo! How to politely decline people on internet dating sites? May 2, 8: For a little background, I went through a tough divorce in and am finally ready to try dating. I'm a male in my late 30s and have always had a lot of female friends. I am known for joking around a lot, making people laugh and complimenting them. I am realizing more and more how often this gets confused for flirting and has begun to lead to a lot of misunderstandings.
This will cushion your further words and save him from vain hopes. Be and sound sincere. If you say you are very busy now, it means you are hinting that you are ready to meet later. This is another way to make a man expect something bigger.
Many men swallow this bait and become friends with a woman they like hoping to bring their relationships to a romantic dimension one day. Some men need feedback when it comes to dating.
If you rejected him and he asks for the explanation, you have the right to ignore his request. You are trying to be nice while declining his offer to go out and your subconsciousness makes your mouth smile. Remember that your smiling face can mean to him that you are flirting. Otherwise, he may think he still has a chance and needs to put more effort. Having a first date with a person is like testing the waters. Although dating counselors always advise to have a second date to double check your feelings, sometimes it becomes clear from the very first minutes of the date number one that you are with the wrong person and this date will be the last.How to Turn Someone Down While Online Dating - brianaissance.com
There are two possible ways how to say no to a date. You can say it face to face in the end of your first date or you can agree to meet again and then text or call him next day to say the truth. Choose the tactics according to your level of boldness. Rejection via text is more convenient for you and less painful for him not sure about it, though.
Right on the following day, write him a thanks-but-no-thanks email or message expressing your gratitude for the time spent together, complimenting him on how interesting and attractive he is, and finally admitting that there was no chemistry. Mention his virtues and wish him to find the right girl. One of the possible ways how to decline a date is to say that he is not your type but you have a friend and you think he is going to like her. This is how you can sweeten the bitter pill of rejection and set up a date for two good people.
The worst thing you can do is to switch on the ghosting mode.
Unless he was a maniac and this is the only way to hide from him. If you pondering over the polite ways how to say no to a date, then you must be interested in how men would like to be rejected. Here are our findings. When a woman begins her rejection speech, she tries to smooth the sharp angles and carefully picks up the right words. A classical gentle line. Many women have gone through a similar situation, and they made up their own excuses.
They wanted to be polite just like you. Here are some of their turn-down confessions that you can take as examples. I opt for ghosting. I just faded out. Saying nothing still works for me. I remember once I received a message from a guy and it said, I want to have sex with you. In some cases, they're women I've actually met around town so they already know me and know I can be gregarious. But I feel like a jerk when they say, "I remember you, I thought you were very charming, would you like to get a drink?
I'm sensitive to hurting people's feelings and I have no idea how to say, thanks but no thinks in a diplomatic way. Should I bite the bullet and just go on these dates anyway? I am not one to ignore emails or messages if someone is nice enough to contact me.
How to politely turn down online dating
But I am very sensitive to leading people on. Ladies, is there an acceptable way for a man to tell you, thanks but no thanks, and not think he's a jerk? Seriously, that's the kindest possible way to turn someone down online. She'll get the hint. You are not the Infinite and Eternal One that she is hanging her hopes of romance and happiness on. I'm not sure exactly what you should do, but it absolutely should not be this.
I agree that ignoring the emails is the way to go.
I'm in a similar situation, and the part of me that values kindness and tact tells me I should respond to the messages I receive.
Logically, though, I've come to realize that when I'm not interested, there's nothing I can say that will feel less bad to the person than ignoring them. Conversely, I'm pretty shy to message someone, and when I do, I'd much rather not hear from them than get some canned "sorry, I'm not interested" or "sorry, you're not my type. If it's someone you know in person, and you'd like to be friends with them: If they persist, just ignore them.
Being direct is not being a jerk. If you are vague, you will be perceived as a jerk if they think you're leading them on.
Anyone who's been dating online for any amount of time will recognize a lack of response as the most polite way of indicating a lack of interest. It's still not actually polite , per se, just the least unpleasant way of indicating it. It sucks, and it's a little maddening when you're on the other end of it and waiting for someone to reply, but it's a skill one must cultivate.
There isn't really a way to tell someone you're not attracted to them in a way that will land as softly as you're hoping. The exception is if you're already met them in person. If you want to reject someone that you've met in person, you first dump praise on them "you're a really awesome person, a lot of fun," whatever and then you say that, while they are really cool people, you just didn't feel that in-person chemistry that you're looking for.
Emphasize that this is not a fault on either person's side. They'll feel a little deflated for a half-hour or so and then it's on to the next profile. Yes, ignoring is the polite signal for 'not interested' in online dating culture. The scenario you mentioned is pretty much the exact reason I stopped dating online.
Like you, I was getting contacted by men I knew in my town. Unlike you, I also teach in the town where I live so sometimes I'd be getting asked out on dates by men whose kids were my students. That was really weird. Even though most people in the online dating thing know that no response is fine, I never could do that because y'know, I'd see these people in town and at work So I ended up replying by saying thanks for the offer but I just met someone and want to see where it goes. It seemed less harsh than saying I wasn't interested in them in particular, and I think most people understand that you're really just being polite.
I disagree that you should do the ignore thing. You've met them in social situations around town, you're likely to meet them again. I agree with desjardins that "I don't think we're a match, but Also, they have friends. A people pleaser indeed!
You do not owe anyone a date. It's important to learn that for your own well-being, sometimes you have to say no, and I agree with others who have said that in this situation the best way to say no is just not to reply.
If you've met them face to face before and want to be friends but not date, then just tell them that. If they want an explanation, feel free to say "I would prefer not to", or simply not reply, as you prefer.
If you don't want to risk burning a bridge with them, you could offer coffee in the daytime, but that's really optional. Yeah, if you've met them in person you can't do the ignore. I like desjardin's advice "I don't think we're a match I can deal much better with the straightforward approach when there isn't some sort of evaluation of me involved. When you haven't met the person, ignore.
Even though I don't place huge emotions in whatever happens with online dating, it kind of sucks to see you have a new message, open it and get a no.
I usually just think the person is full of themselves enough to think I'm just hanging on their reply. I also don't send those messages to people who message me, when I don't want to go on a date with them.
Agreeing that no response is the usual internet dating way to handle this. It's important to remember that e-dating values are different than RL values for better or worse , and not responding is perfectly OK, even preferred.
That said, if you do need to respond, simply say 'Thanks, but no thanks'. And then do not communicate any further, even when prodded. I'll go against the grain and say it strikes me a guy as polite to send a quick I'll-pass note, 'specially if the person's taken the time to write more than a sentence or two.
If you're concerned about follow-ups, you can send the note and block the people. Goodness, ignoring people is the polite thing nowadays? I much more would rather get a 'thank you, but no thank you' response then being blanked. Unless someone is being a jerk, or being aggressive, not responding just seems like the easy-for-me avoidance solution, not the polite solution. Polite to me way to do it: I am sorry, but I am not interested right now. Either Ambient2 or edgeways notes are fine.
Sure they may be bummed, but at least they'll know where they stand and they can move onto someone else. Random ladies you don't know, I think it's safe to ignore.
No wondering if the person got your email, and no awkwardness. A quick response and onto the next person. I agree that "Thanks for your message but I don't think we'd be a good match" is the polite way to go. It's how I'd want to be treated so I used that as my guide. I generally vote for "ignore" in these situations, but I have experience with this sort of situation that makes me feel like you may want to actually say something.
When a person that I knew from around town -- not a friend, acquaintance, or even someone I'd ever actually spoken with, just someone I'd seen around at a few topical events -- found me on OKC, he wrote me a message immediately asking me out on a date.
I ignored it because he was so very much not my type physically that it would be an impossible gap to breach, many of his OKC answers were diametrically opposed to mine including the fact that he wanted kids and I do not, which is dealbreaker territory in your 30s ; besides, we did not actually know each other at all. Ignoring his message felt similar to ignoring those gas station attendants that always ask you for your phone number when you just want to buy gas.
A month or so later, I disabled my account because having an exceedingly busy life had utterly superseded any desire to date.
How to Politely Decline a Date via Text
A few days later, he found my email address we belong to a local email list that, hatefully, does not use blind carbon copy and sent me an message asking if he was the reason I disabled my OKC account.
At that point, I stopped attending the events I would see him at and never again returned. When I see him now, I avert my eyes. He did not have the courage to ever speak to me in person, ever: Thinking that disabling my OKC account had anything to do with him whatsoever: I should have just said no.