With what seems like a limitless number of dating apps and websites available, you would think that finding your soulmate would be easier than ever. Gone are the days of being limited to just your neighborhood or small town. The single men of the world are literally at your fingertips. Right might only be one more swipe away…. And yet there are still a lot of single women out there.
Time to get uncomfortable with that pattern. Whatever, go on, be yourself and if a man comes along who seems right, or actually offers you a real relationship, then go for it. Otherwise, fill our time with our lives. Men, as they get older, only get more needy and less productive wink, wink, say no more girls, oh yeah except for that drug, Viagra!
I was married for 13 years to a guy who, although not a bad man, was just not around. I was so, so, so, lonely even when I had the 2 kids come along. We had sex maybe twice a year because he was busy, and just really not super interested, and that contributed to the loneliness, too.
About year 10 of the marriage, I just gave up and conceeded that this was just my lot in life, and I raised the kids, but by year 13, I realized I could probably do what I was doing on my own, make a life for myself and my kids and I finally got the guts to leave. It was hard, and I had to work a lot, but I have never regretted it. Anyway, I only had one relationship that started about 6 years after I was divorced, and it was with a guy who I had everything in common with who told me he was in the middle of a divorce, and I believed him.
I did for awhile, though, but I got over it My kids, thankfully, although Christians themselves, are wise enough to understand that their dad is a little overboard when it comes to this stuff and is not quite living in reality. Both kids have expressed that they understand that he and I had an awfully sad, severely strained and depraved marriage. Did he make any efforts for reconciliation or to change his behavior?? Are the pictures of you alone or with the children?
This post really hit me hard. I guess I think all men are looking for a barbie doll. Yes I am in my 40s also and I never understood how important looks are for women until I was overweight and a bit older. Somehow older women are just invisible. It really made me think that appearance, for men, is number one and everything else is secondary.
Lot of guys my age are chasing after the 20 year olds. They have good careers and lots of money to tempt the young girls. Obviously the young hot girls have a lot of value as men of all ages chase after them. They are the ultimate prize. I am just not certain how a woman my age who is very successful can find a mate? My career, income, age is a turn off it seems. Too lose weight, I literally have to starve.
I have that, too. It is just our bodies naturally changing as we get older. That feeling in my EUM relationships including a marriage was consistent and should have been a wake-up call.
It feels super important for me to not use age as an excuse to continue the same negative self-thoughts that got me to this point. I plan to be strong and make the better choice, will take work, but I know it can be done. Hope to never hear news of him again, ever. All numbers remain safely blocked, and I get to keep moving forward with the healing. I am so happy and thankful for this site, your comments also add so much support for healing.
You gorgeous ladies, believe your beauty inside! You know I dropped about twenty pounds two years ago. It was hard but I just started using the treadmill everyday, walking for thrity minutes. It took me a year to do it…so if you think in terms of losing the weight, think longer term and set short term goals.
Tell yiour self I want to get to lose five pounds in x number of weeks. I want to feel positive about myself and stop being pulled down by negative energy. But I was reading a story the other day about a woman that was 68 and was having a passionate affair with a man who was Thank you for your kind words myalmostlover.
How online dating can make us lonely
I would love to weight ! I managed to get down to a few years ago and kept it off until I moved. I gained 20 pounds in the 2 years since I have moved. I started again the end of December and thought I had lost 15 pounds and then I got a new scale and my weight loss was really only 5 pounds.
How late do you eat? I notice that if I eat after 7: Also, what kind of carbs do you eat for dinner? Can you get your caloric intake down to ?
Carbs, last night I had a weight watchers satay chicken frozen dinner than was 5. Over the weekend via the news I heard that exEUMs best mate is in a coma in hospital.. I would ask a series of questions.
Does he have other female company he can turn to for support? From your experience with him, would he use this as an opportunity to reel you back into the madness? Would you be contacting him out of concern or guilt? Is it worth it to you after all the hard work you have been doing to stay NC?
Given that you found out via something other than him contacting you about it, you can play dumb about knowing and maybe that would relieve any guilt you may have for not contacting him about it. You may have to consider this question more seriously if he should make contact and try to reach out to you. I understand that at times of real trouble your instinct is to be nice and supportive towards someone who you once cared for a great deal.
Was he always so supportive of you during trying times? Mull it over and if you do, make sure it is for your own reasons and you are emotionally armed to not let it drag you back into the fray. Was the ex there for you when you needed him?? Why would you contact him? If you were close to the friend then I would be supportive to the family, otherwise I would let it go. Tulipa, I would agree with Gaynor, only if you knew the friend personally enough, then contacting his family would make sense.
Unless, by even doing that, that would open a door for your EUM to get his foot back into your life. You have moved on, things like this happen in life, but, it is not your concern now to be the one he turns to. As Gaynor said, it is probably best to let this go.
I do understand your quandry, but, your first instinct was to not contact, yet you came here to get affirmation for what your gut was already telling you. Keep strong and trust your gut. Thank you so much I really appreaciate you answering me..
You are right it took me long enough to end everything and to keep my no contact going. I am going to trust my gut and stay away..Dating By Invitation Only [Full Episode]
I just read a study that says no matter if you try to control carbs or fats the most important thing is watching caloric intake. I got a new exercise tape caled Skinny Bitch…lol These women have a whole line of books, including recipes.
So maybe you could try it. These women are hysterical and it makes the workout fun. One other thing, stress can contribute to weight gain.
Can Stress Cause Weight Gain? I just wrote a reply to Jean that included a link and it never posted. Are we not allowed to post links? I identify with so many of the themes on this site. I realize now, in retrospect, that these types were very prevalent in my life, whether as a friend or a lover. They no longer appeal to me in any way. I think the reason these types appealed to me in the first place was that because I was unsure of myself and probably had low self esteem.
These pushy types took the work out of the equation of getting to know a new guy for me. I was so wrong. I know now that they both the friends and the lovers are egotistical, passive aggressive, selfish, immature and insensitive men. But thinking this way, I feel like I would just be going back to my old patterns of trying to get approval from a man based on my looks which has gotten me no where so far!
The thought of that makes me want to hide under the covers forever!! The only real ways I could actively look for dates is to join an online dating site, go to singles mixers or ask people to set me up with their single friends. I have had horrible luck with online dating sites. I feel as if actively engaging in those sites will bring back all the bad feelings from the negative experiences I had.
Singles mixers are also not for me. What seems to be working for me is for me to continue living my life. Lately, I feel as if I have been meeting a lot of new people. I am very active socially and in my profession. I seem to be happiest when I am engaged with life, as opposed to an online dating site or a series of singles mixers. However, I realize that not everyone can be as social as me and so I totally recognize that set-ups, dating sites or organized singles mixers provide the opportunity to meet others.
I am a very independent person, and I was raised to solve problems and get things done. I would think that by doing this eventually, mutual attraction with an available man would develop. I feel exactly the same way. Thanks for your insight. I too find it very difficult to keep my weight down but it has to do with hormonal changes.
When I turned 41 that is when I found I was getting more attention from men. I looked young and compared to other woman my age had taken care of myself. Looks do matter most to men initally…At 51 I look young still but when potential dates hear my age, interest drops off, even if they are my own age. The MM I was involved with for 5 plus years is 10 years younger than me. The right situation can come by but we must not settle, we must stay positive, and not think of it as the end but a new beginning.
I still worry about aging…. But I do know this much….. I want a healthy man. The men who chase arm-candy. When I do get my man, it will be a quality man…a healthy man. Someone that fell head over heels with my mistakes, flaws, wrinkles and all. Best wishes for all out there. I understand aging can be quite scary. Getting older and running out of time has not been too much of a concern, okay maybe a little recently and I do understand how it may be for others.
However, I am finding that there are many men out there, our age or younger that are nice, decent guys. Living a healthy lifestyle, eating properly, exercising regularly and getting your own mind right I think will take care of any misconceptions about maturing, love it and embrace it! As Natalie says, you project what you believe about yourself.
Dress and present yourself as a person with character, with a respectful and nurturing nature, with respect for yourself and others. Next time you have a chance, visit an old-folks home.
Notice the amount of attention spent on drama, on singles functions — on flirting and relationships! The first bloom of youth is intended to smooth the way, to make an arranged match bearable or help people deal with a less-than ideal match.
Dating When You’re Lonely or Feel Time is Running Out
Only, we no longer life in a society that demands that particular adaptation. Instead, marketers have grabbed that youthful, sexually enticing image — to sell cars and soap and cosmetics. Well, maybe Vitamin D and Folic Acid. Respect yourself, expect respect, discipline, and honesty from those around you. And best of luck! NML, I only found this site last week, and everything that has been said about emotionally unavailable men and the women attracted to them applies to me.
I am 57 years old and now only just beginning to realise my part in all the relationships I have ever had, and my head is spinning! How could I have been blind for so long? I know I fear being on my own, and especially now, at my age, as I have no family or children. At the core of this apparently confident outgoing woman is a huge lack of self esteem.
The man I am currently dating is a classic EUM! I have decided to do a gradual retreat from him. That was this morning, and was to see if we could meet up today.
I do feel very vulnerable and shaky, but this site is giving me a lot of strength, knowing that other women have the same issues with EUMs and arseclowns.
How are you doing this? What are they like? Are they guys with a whole lot of baggage? Research aside, Johnny and I hear this sentiment about being lonely— really lonely —echoed year after year by the women that we work with.
Instead of downloading yet another dating app, try this instead. Modern technology is pretty amazing in that way and we love how it has allowed us to work with women all over the world. That being said, Johnny and I know from experience that nothing beats the energy and excitement of showing up to an event in person. Why is getting out into the world and meeting people to learn in person just not the same as doing an online learning experience? Because no technology can replace the warmth that comes from connecting to people face to face.
How does texting or even talking on the phone with one of your girlfriends compare to sitting down to chat with her over coffee or a good glass of wine? Sure, phone and video calls are better than nothing. But that cozy feeling of sharing a space and conversation with other like-minded people? Once a year we host a Love Breakthrough Weekend to give women the opportunity to work with us live and in person. This program is so transformative that women fly in from all over the world to be there.
They often sign up because they are ready to be with their soulmate—and they leave not only feeling empowered but also having developed friendships with other loving, like-minded women. And yes, it really is every bit as amazing as it sounds! As we have discovered over the years, the most effective learning happens in a community environment. Not only does socializing at live events boost feel-good hormones in the body, it leads to breakthroughs faster than online and distance learning.
Meeting new people as you learn something new is a dynamic one-two punch that really makes a difference! And you know what that means, right?
The opposite of action is sitting at home swiping through Tinder, Bumble, or Match. Instead, get out into the world and start connecting with great people in person. This directly affects your ability to connect to men. Get outside and get rid of those lonely feelings! Remember, your soulmate might already be out in the world looking for you.
Now get out there and connect! And we hope to see your beautiful face in-person at our upcoming Love Breakthrough Weekend! Leave this field empty. I would to love to join the love breakthrough weekend. I just need yo know when and how…some info would be fantastic. April Love Breakthrough Weekend is sold out, however, you can call Johnny at to see if minutes seats are available.
And hey, please feel free to chat with us if you have more questions. Thank you for the invite and taking the time to speak to me. So many women all over the world who is in the same situation as you are stepping up for themselves and will be joining our transformational Love Breakthrough Weekend.
Check this out https: Wow, this all makes sense to me…. And where do you go? Would love to have the lost life which resides inside of my other half, whom am still looking for uptil now. It truly re- centers me. I am now enrolled in the Quantum Leap to Love courses and feel so energized by it.