By | 20.08.2019

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Great dating advice for guys at college (For reddit)

I realized that it had somehow, unbelievably, been a decade since I was in love. I love being alone. I can, often to my own detriment, fill hours, days, sometimes weeks, with actives of complete solitude without a speck of loneliness. There was no rush in my twenties. Intent on my career, being single felt more like a badge than a blemish. I watched friends from high school, then couples from college, pair up and settle down. I wanted independence, self-discovery, the autonomy to make my own choices.

I watched friends from high school, then couples from college, pair up and settle down. I wanted independence, self-discovery, the autonomy to make my own choices. I moved to an apartment in the East Village and jumped head-first into a fancy consulting job, followed by a cross-country move to California for business school. I met other women with ambitious goals and strong ideals and we clung to one another, our new friendships built on shared challenges and tools we were just learning to articulate.

In the spring of I turned With grad school behind us, my friends and I settled into good positions at good jobs, found livable-sized apartments in San Francisco, built lives we were proud of. They were just in love, and it was time.

Like all good business school graduates, my friends and I did the math -- if you wanted to date someone for a few years before marriage, and then live together for a few years before kids, and then maybe even have another kid, and do it all before 40 -- well, yeah, it was time. So while some started sporting rings, my still-single friends and I doubled down on dating.

In San Francisco that meant downloading every possible dating app. Many of us were averaging at least three dates a week and meeting regularly to discuss our progress. Spreadsheets may or may not have been involved. Google doc shares abounded. We chaperoned wisdom teeth removals, held surprise birthday parties, gave each other pep talks before big meetings, cooked dinner together on Sunday nights.

Being single in a world of couples made us not only appreciate, but prioritize one another. But eventually, I had to move closer to my real family. My parents were getting older, and California, no matter how great my friends were, would never be home. And, although I was scared to admit it, at 34, I needed a change. If I knew one thing about my move back to New York, it was that I did not want to date.

Dating had sucked the life out of me.

I was sick of telling my story, a story that not long ago felt unique and personal, but now felt empty and scripted. With each date I felt more like the profile I was trying to represent, and less like an actual person. I would re-read my profiles on each site often, to remind myself what my date was expecting. When I moved to New York I went from having a family of friends who knew every detail of my life to having a handful of acquaintances who knew nothing at all.

New York, with its large, faceless crowds and anything-goes attitude, felt like a shield from the wedding wind. I knew no one, and even though I was smack in the middle of the densest U. And in that vacuum, without anyone watching or any force pushing me, I stopped dating. I had no one to report to. I deleted all the apps on my phone. Many of us were averaging at least three dates a week and meeting regularly to discuss our progress.

Spreadsheets may or may not have been involved. Google doc shares abounded. We chaperoned wisdom teeth removals, held surprise birthday parties, gave each other pep talks before big meetings, cooked dinner together on Sunday nights.

Frank Ocean

Being single in a world of couples made us not only appreciate, but prioritize one another. But eventually, I had to move closer to my real family. My parents were getting older, and California, no matter how great my friends were, would never be home. And, although I was scared to admit it, at 34, I needed a change. If I knew one thing about my move back to New York, it was that I did not want to date.

Dating had sucked the life out of me. I was sick of telling my story, a story that not long ago felt unique and personal, but now felt empty and scripted. With each date I felt more like the profile I was trying to represent, and less like an actual person.

3 Hours Of "Harassment' In NYC!

I would re-read my profiles on each site often, to remind myself what my date was expecting. When I moved to New York I went from having a family of friends who knew every detail of my life to having a handful of acquaintances who knew nothing at all. New York, with its large, faceless crowds and anything-goes attitude, felt like a shield from the wedding wind.

I knew no one, and even though I was smack in the middle of the densest U. And in that vacuum, without anyone watching or any force pushing me, I stopped dating. I had no one to report to. I deleted all the apps on my phone. Instead, I started doing something I loved but never thought worth my time — I started writing.

Dating in nyc for guys reddit

I spent almost every night alone with my laptop. But it was all I wanted to do, and with no one to answer to, there was no reason not to. I started going to classes and workshops and spent most of my Friday nights on the couch with an essay and a box of cereal.

I woke up early, eager to sit down and put words to paper before my real job. But compared to my chronic online dating, it really was. I always assumed that having kids was part of adulthood— what people did when they grew up, the next step to becoming a whole, fulfilled person — and that getting married was the necessary precursor.

But when I asked myself: I had no idea. A caretaker, I am not.

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