When you have an invisible disability, the first challenge is getting other people to believe you ó to encourage them to express empathy for someone else. After that, though, you need to learn to listen to how your disability may negatively impact them ó that is, to show the very empathy for others that you insist on receiving. I've consistently confronted this dual task when writing about being on the autism spectrum , a task that can be especially sensitive if rewarding when discussing dating with autism. Indeed, my first article published at Salon discussed autism and dating. That was more than four years ago. When my writing career began in , I never dreamed that I would open up about being on the autism spectrum, much less delve into the vulnerable details of my personal life. Yet the subject proved popular and was cathartic to discuss, so I periodically returned to it over the years.
Employers are more likely to understand the ability and needs of an employee should that employee make the diagnosis known. Accommodations can be requested and a rationale can be provided based on a known diagnosis.
Having the diagnosis is a relief for many people. It provides a means of understanding why someone feels and thinks differently than others. There can be a new sense of personal validation and optimism, of not being defective, weird or crazy. Acceptance of the diagnosis can be an important stage in the development of successful adult intimate relationships.
It also enables therapists, counselors and other professionals to provide the correct treatment options should the person seek assistance. Liane Holliday Willey is an educator, author and speaker.
Yes, but the list is shorter than the list of advantages. No longer will they be able to hope to have a satisfying, intimate relationship. Instead, their future will be filled with loneliness and alienation from others with no expectation of improvement. While it is not legally acceptable to do so, we know that silent discrimination happens, hiring decisions are not always made public and competition can leave someone with a different profile out of the picture. It very well might be that some other condition is the real problem or, more likely, two or more conditions are overlapping.
Brain imaging and studies of the brain structure show similarities between the two disorders. Having said that, there are important differences between the two. People with ADHD often try to do multiple activities at the same time. They get distracted easily and jump from one interest or activity to another. Focusing on one thing for a long time is hard for them. They are hyper-focused rather than unfocused.
There is a similar difference with respect to impulsivity. People with ADHD will do things without considering the outcome of their actions. They act immediately and have trouble waiting. They interrupt, blurt out comments and seem unable to restrain themselves. They do not tend to have specific weaknesses in their understanding and use of language. They also speak with a normal tone of voice and inflection.
They may talk a lot and have more one-sided conversations as do adults with ADHD but they do so because lacking an understanding of how the person they are talking to is grasping what they are saying they are, in effect, talking to themselves.
They confuse behaviors that may be appropriate in one setting from those that are appropriate in another, so that they often act in appropriate for the situation they are in. They find it hard to interpret the meanings of facial expressions and body posture, and they have particular difficulty understanding how people express their emotions. When they do communicate their feelings they are often out of synch with the situation that generated the feeling.
Adults with ADHD tend to process sensory input in a typical manner. They may have preferences for how they handle sensory input like music, touch, sounds, and visual sensations but generally the way they handle these situations is much like other adults.
They may be overly sensitive to one kind of sensation and avoid that persistently. Or they may prefer a certain type of sensation and, a certain type of music, for example, and seek it over and over. The core features of obsessive-compulsive disorder OCD are frequent and persistent thoughts, impulses or images that are experienced as unwelcomed and uninvited. Along with these thoughts are repetitive behaviors or mental acts that the person feels driven to perform in order to reduce stress or to prevent something bad from happening.
Some people spend hours washing themselves or cleaning their surroundings in order to reduce their fear that germs, dirt or chemicals will infect them. Others repeat behaviors or say names or phrases over and over hoping to guard against some unknown harm. To reduce the fear of harming oneself or others by, for example, forgetting to lock the door or turn off the gas stove, some people develop checking rituals. Still others silently pray or say phrases to reduce anxiety or prevent a dreaded future event while others will put objects in a certain order or arrange things perfects in order to reduce discomfort.
Individuals with both conditions engage in repetitive behaviors and resist the thought of changing them. Indeed, they are usually enjoyed. A celebrity or even YOU could become their special interest and experience unwanted attention, harassment or stalking. They come across as arrogant. To us, such phrases immediately convey the general idea intended. A person with AS may hide his confusion by staying silent, laughing along with you or in some way pretending to understand.
Their thinking is concrete. They have difficulty in generalizing. When they hear a difference of opinion or an attempt to explain a different perspective about a situation, they become defensive because they see it as conflict, or a criticism of who they are. They can become quite defensive when asked for clarification or a little sympathy. The defensiveness can turn into verbal abuse as the man with AS attempts to control the communication to suit his view of the world.
They are prone to ruminating or fixating on bad experiences with people or events for an inordinate length of time. They often have a very difficult time hearing the negative emotions of others.
They may refuse to communicate, and then lash out in a very hurtful way later on. They are always right. They will frequently say that you are being irrational or illogical.
They misinterpret the experiences, feelings and ideas of others, and therefore come to the wrong conclusions. You often find their behavior exasperating or even infuriating. This is the main thing that frustrates partners of people with AS.
They have poor impulse control and easily become frustrated and angry.
Dating man with aspergers
They may not enjoy kissing or physical affection. Although we may not realize it because it comes naturally to us, merging requires a great deal of non-verbal communication between drivers.
It is often other drivers on the road who avert potential disasters with Aspies. They follow rigid routines and get very frustrated and upset if those routines are interrupted.
They may not be able to tolerate the labels in their clothing or the seams in their socks, or the barely perceptible hum of a refrigerator. They are often unable to tolerate a new pair of shoes, preferring to wear the same ones over and over.Rugby Player With Tourette's & Asperger's Has Dating Confidence Issues - The Undateables
They are physically clumsy. Some may have problems with manual dexterity. They are hurtfully blunt and casually critical. This behavior comes across as insulting and hurtful. A man with AS may display unusual nonverbal communication, such as lack of eye contact or eye contact that is too intense, few facial expressions, or awkward body postures and gestures.
I've consistently confronted this dual task when writing about being on the autism spectrum , a task that can be especially sensitive if rewarding when discussing dating with autism. Indeed, my first article published at Salon discussed autism and dating. That was more than four years ago.
When my writing career began in , I never dreamed that I would open up about being on the autism spectrum, much less delve into the vulnerable details of my personal life. Yet the subject proved popular and was cathartic to discuss, so I periodically returned to it over the years.
Starting on August 28, , a new chapter began. On that day, I entered a long-term relationship with my current girlfriend, Charlotte.
5 Tips for Loving Someone with Aspergerís Syndrome
It took me awhile to develop the nerve to ask her about what she has learned while dating an autistic man, with what is colloquially known as Asperger's Syndrome. Before we started dating, I shared a pair of articles with her that I had written on the subject. In one I reviewed a documentary about dating autistic people, and in the other I interviewed several of my exes.
Now it was my turn to ask her: What advice would she give to individuals who were thinking about long-term romantic relationships with people who are on the spectrum? Such was the case during a recent Christmas party when I casually mentioned that John F.